Eternal Apprentice

The question that has been on the minds of the four of us (Ellie, Ariel, Michael, and I) recently is Polyfidelity vs. Polyamory. Surprisingly, I’m the only one in our quad who isn’t in favor of polyfidelity right now.

I stand accused of wanting meaningless sex with women, but the fact of the matter is that I’ve never had meaningless sex with anyone. I’m very invested in an individual by the time sex is on the table (in the car, on the floor, or even *gasp* in a bed). I find that no matter how much passion there is, I still have the desire and ability to forge a friendship before the relationship becomes sexual.

I am a friendly and easy-going guy however, and it’s easy for me to make friends and find new partners. I can understand that this is a problem for my current partners, because I am open to so many other potential relationships.

I’m so wholly in-love and happy with Ellie, Ariel, and Michael. I feel, because of the nature of our relationship (mostly the distance between he two couples), I do not have enough time to forge the relationship with Michael that I want. At this point I know that we are all happy (edit - Michael told me in a chat after I published this that he is not happy), and I no longer feel the need to rush that part of our group relationship. When the time is right we will find the time to get closer to each other. I also never have enough time with Ariel, but that is the nature of the long-distance relationship. We make the most of the time we are together in the best way we know how.

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Funny side-note before I close my rant: As Ellie and I perused Target the other day we scoffed at Valentines Day cards, “so hetero-normative and monogamy-centric”. I picked up a card and covered up the word “one”. I read it aloud with a minor alteration so it better suited Ellie’s take on our current situation, “You are my *three* and only.”
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Ellie said that I date other women for the same reason that I enjoy fast food; it’s a quick fix, instant gratification. I can see where that idea comes from, but it makes me wonder, what’s in it for the people I’m with? Are they the burger or the food-preparation specialist, or does the analogy break down at the point that you consider them?

I think that they are getting something important too. It’s not a self-centered endeavor on my part. A lot the pleasure I get comes from pleasing my partner or fulfilling some desire. I know that I’m enriching their lives, and they are enriching mine.

The biggest thing that my other partners can lose is time they want to spend with me. I’m cognizant of this fact, and do my best to give my primary partners far more of my time and energy.

Polyfidelity is as big of a step for me as monogamy would be at this point. I’m committed to my current partners, but I am not sure I’m ready to give up future partners, even if they don’t have a place in my poly-quad family.